he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
