Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
