Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
