i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
