Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
