Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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