My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
