I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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