I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
