I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
