Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
