If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
