Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
