my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
