Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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