I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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