I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize