Who did Billy Mays play for?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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