Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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