I saw his package. It spoke to me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
