Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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