farters have to be the big spoon...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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