Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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