I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
