hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
