Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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