There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
