All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
