Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize