You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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