Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
