I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
