It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
