Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
