i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
