I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
