he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
