Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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