I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
