Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I lost the right to judge tonight
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
