he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
