I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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