Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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