Kiss
Puke
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
