Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
