dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we should paint friendship bongs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
