haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize