I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
