I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize