I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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