so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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