the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
