You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
