Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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