He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
