apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
