wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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