I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
