it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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