And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
