for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
