I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
