Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just threw up on my dentist
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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