The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
