Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
