No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
