just come out here and I will go home with you...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
