hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
