Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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