so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
