Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
