I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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