Jerry, you need to find god
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
